Okay, I’m not up with this ‘reblogging’ bizzo (sounds a little parasitic) but it was the only way I could find here to comment on the following posts and quotes:
I thought it was just me who hated RUOK? day. I have spent a lifetime torn between wanting to tell people the truth and being ignored or dismissed, and hiding my mental illness because it’s just too much effort to go to when the question is only a platitude. At least now I know that other…
Combining this with Michelle’s post on the same topic reinforces that, to me, this campaign seems to be from the perspective of, and directed at, people that are generally “ok.” That can then be problematic when someone, by the fact that they don’t have as much experience with other perspectives, is anticipating a reply along the lines of “yes, i am ok, but thanks for asking. It’s good that we ask ourselves this” and instead hears something they’re not expecting and aren’t prepared for.
There are merits in simple campaigns. Perhaps RUOK could be improved if it asked two questions, the second being “Is there anything i can do for you?” While this may not be perfect, it would at least then centre the conversation around the wishes of the person answering the question. That individual would then be in a position to decide whether they really want to discuss their particulars at that time, whether the person asking the question is someone they want to discuss it with, and how far they want to take that discussion.
I’m torn on the issue. I support RUOK? day in principle, but the reality is that in my darker moments, if any body asked me, I would automatically assume that they were simply asking out of obligation because it’s some kind of special day, and I would discount their expression of concern, however genuine it may be. That’s what depression can do to you. Well, it’s what it’s done to me in the past, anyway.
People who care ask, “Are you okay?” all the time.
Having said that, depression is something that everyone can do something about on a practical level. It’s a condition where an “awareness” campaign really can do something useful. I’m “aware” of cancer. That doesn’t help anyone. The most useful way I can express my awareness in a positive way is to donate to appropriate causes and hope they spend it wisely, and perhaps to lobby for better funding. Michelle’s other post from that day, on the subject of cancer awareness campaigns is excellent.
And if you want to get involved, don’t just tell someone to “Get help.” That’s insulting. It’s usually said like there’s some kind of universal F1 key that will sort everything out. It’s as useful as telling someone with a cold to see a doctor. In fact, it’s less useful, because the help available for physical illnesses is clear. Most people who say “get help,” have no idea what they’re talking about - they just assume that there must be some kind of place to go - so if all you’re thinking of saying is “seek help,” then you’re better off just shutting up.
But depression is a condition where people simply having some awareness and understanding can benefit sufferers. RUOK? may be a bit lame, but I hope that it might still be able to grow into a genuine awareness campaign that can actually benefit people. Of course, at the moment I’m in a phase where I can look at it that way. There are been times - and there may be times again - when I would simply glare at people for asking, if they’re lucky. If past experience is anything to go by, I would probably cry later for rejecting their offer and silently hope that they are okay.
This is the other thing that people participating in RUOK need to understand. They need to think through what they are doing and be prepared for rejection - not because the person may be rude or ungrateful but because this is what depression does to you. (Or at least me, see above). Again, I support RUOK in principle, but people need to understand that it’s not like wearing a red nose. You need to know what you might be starting.
After all, it’s not easy banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.
